Light bulb jokes:

How many stagehands does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, that’s an electrician’s job.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to do it, and the rest to talk about how much better they could have done it.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Just complain to the director at notes.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Doesn’t the stage manager do that?

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows. They can never find their light.

How many stage managers does it take to screw in a …
Done.

How many stage managers does it take to change a light bulb?
I DON’T CARE!!! JUST DO IT!!!

Ok then, how many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
None of your business.

How many volunteer crew members does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to collect every clip light in existence backstage, one to cut a 3×3 sheet of gel into unusable pieces, one to search for a cabinet key, one to wander through the dressing rooms asking the actors if they need anything.

How many apprentices does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to sweep up the glass and the other to pull out the base.

How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None…its a carefully orchestrated blackout.

How many stage managers does it take to change a lightbulb.
I DON’T CARE–JUST DO IT NOW!

How many Producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
What’s wrong with the old one?

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
What’s its motivation?

How many Lighting Designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
After a long conference, it was decided to use several fresnels, and ellipsodal, warm tones for a cozy atmosphere and a strobe to effect lightning striking in the background, for that stormy effect. Also several gobos will be used for tree patterns on the cyc. What was the question again?

How many executive directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
What do they need light back there for?

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, the actor holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, it’s a lamp.

Ok then, how many electricians does it take to change a lamp?
None, it worked during rehearsal!

What’s black, crispy, and hangs from the ceiling?
A dancer changing a lightbulb!

How many directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well…um…what do you think?

How many lighting techs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nothing happens on that @#$%ing side of the stage anyway!

How many designers does it take to change a light bulb?
Does it have to be a light bulb?

How many playwrights does it take to change a light bulb?
Change? Why does it have to change? No changes, it’s perfect just the way it is.

How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Give a note to the stage manager to fix it!

How many stage managers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Pull the technical director off of a set installation to deal with it.

How many technical directors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Call the master electrician at home to fix it.

How many master electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
We don’t change bulbs, only halogen lamps. It’s a Props problem.

How many props masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb?! When did they even get a lamp?

How many theater critics does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to be highly critical of the design elements, one to express contempt for the glow of the lamp, one to lambaste the interpretation of wattage used, one to observe how trite the use of a light bulb was, one to critique the performance of the bulb itself, one to recall superb light bulbs of past seasons and lament how this one fails to measure up, and all to join in the refrain reflecting on how they could build a better light bulb in their sleep.

How many theater students does it take to change a light bulb?
Uh, what’s the deadline, ’cause I may need an extension.

How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Why do we need another light bulb?

How many high school theater students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, if they can find a lamp big enough and figure out how to get inside it.

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2 thoughts on “Light bulb jokes:

  1. How many surrealists are needed to screw in a light bulb? A. Two – one to pour the jelly into the bath, the other to hold the giraffe’s head.

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