You know you work in non-profit/Amateur theatre if…

* your living room sofa spends more time on stage than you do.
* you have your own secret family recipe for stage blood.
* you’ve ever appeared on stage wearing your own clothes.
* you’ve ever driven around the back of stores looking for discards that can be used for set pieces.
* you can find a prop in the prop room that hasn’t seen the light of day in ten years, but you don’t know where your own vacuum cleaner is.
* you have a Frequent Shopper Card at the Salvation Army.
* Rogers and Hammerstein is synonymous with 3 months of rehearsals.
* you start buying your work clothes at Goodwill so you can buy your costumes at the mall.
* you’ve ever taken time off your job to work on the show.
* you’ve worked your vacation time to coincide with tech week.
* you’ve ever cleaned a tuxedo with a magic marker.
* your family is more than 50% of the staff.
* you’ve ever appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue.
* you name your son Samuel and tell him that his middle name is in honour of the French side of the family.
* you’ve ever appeared in a show where tech week is devoted to getting the running time under four and a half hours.
* you’ve ever appeared on stage in an English drawing room murder mystery where half the cast spoke with southern accents.
* you think Neil Simon is a misunderstood genius.
* you’ve ever appeared in a show where the cast out-numbered the audience 2 to 1 .
* you’ve ever gotten a part because you were the only one who showed up for auditions.
* you’ve ever gotten a part because you were the only male who showed up for auditions.
* the audience recognises you the minute you walk on stage because they saw you taking out the trash before the show.
* you’ve ever menaced/threatened anyone with a gun held together with electrical tape.
* you’ve ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing an evening gown and heels.
* you’ve ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing an evening gown and heels — and you’re a guy.
* you’ve ever played the father of someone your father’s age.
* your kids know your rehearsal schedule better than you do.
* your kids know your lines better than you do.
* your kids deliver your lines better than you do.
* you get home from rehearsal and have to go back to the theatre because you forgot your kids.
* you’ve ever appeared in a show where an actor leaned out through a window without opening it first.
* you actually know the difference between Good Shakespeare and BAD Shakespeare, and have tried to explain the difference.
* you’ve ever had to play a drunk scene opposite someone who was really drunk.
* you’ve ever heard a director say “Try not to bump into the furniture” and mean it.
* the lead vocalist complains that the music keeps changing tempos,but the fact is the music is on a tape/cd.
* you’ve ever appeared on stage with people you’re related to.
* you’ve ever heard the head of the set construction crew say “Just paint it black –no one will ever see it.”
* you’ve appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect.
* the set designer has ever told you not to walk on the left half of the stage because the floor’s still wet –five minutes before curtain.
* you’ve ever been told that the reason your director has no eyebrows is because he/she handled special effects for the last show.
* you’ve ever said “Don’t worry –use the duct tape and if that doesn’t work we’ll just hot glue it.”

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