Holiday Fun – Part 3

Theatrical Hierarchy

# Producer:

# Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single Bound
# Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive
# Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
# Walks On Water
# Gives Policy To God

# Director:

# Leaps Short Buildings In A Single Bound
# Is More Powerful Than A Switch Engine
# Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet
# Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm
# Talks With God

# Playwright:

# Leaps Short Buildings With A Running Start
# Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch Engine
# Is Faster Than A Speeding BB
# Swims Well
# Is Occasionally Addressed By God

# Actor:

# Makes High Marks On The Wall When Trying To Leap Buildings
# Is Run Over By Locomotives
# Can Sometimes Handle A Gun Without Inflicting Self-Injury
# Dog Paddles
# Talks To Animals

# Technicians:

# Runs Into Buildings
# Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of Three Times
# Is Not Issued Ammunition
# Can Stay Afloat With A Life Preserver
# Talks To Walls

# Chorus:

# Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To Enter Buildings
# Says, “Look At The Choo-Choo!”
# Wets Self With A Water Pistol
# Plays In Mud Puddles
# Mumbles To Self

# Stage Manager:

# Lifts Buildings And Walks Under Them
# Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
# Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth And Eats Them
# Freezes Water With A Single Glance
# Is GOD

Word to the Techie

Remember always that thou art a TECHIE, born to walk the dark places of the stage, and know the secret ways of thy equipment. To your hands it is given to mold the dreams and thoughts of they that watch, and to make the Stage a separate place and time. Seek not, as do the actors, to go forth in light upon the stage, for though they strut and talk and put on airs, their craft does truly depend on you, to shape the dreams that they would show.

Remember also that although they depend on you, you exist only to aid them. Remember that thou art a team, for thou shalt party together.

My friends be not deceived by deluded actors masquerading as TECHIES. Remember always the signs by which thou shalt recognize a true TECHIE: they move softly during scene changes, not stumbling or falling; they are silent backstage and are aware of what is happening; they can speak with knowledge of Tools; they respect another’s job and aid where they can; they do not just stand and watch.

Amen.

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