Some of these statements should keep you amused.
“Actors are props with dialogue”
“Beat to fit, paint to match”
“If force doesn’t work, you’re not using enough”
“Done is best”
“An actor without techies is a naked person standing in the dark trying to emote. A techie without actors is a person with marketable skills.”
“And on the first day the lord said. . . . . .LX1, GO! and there was light.”
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”
“EVERY theatre company mirrors the muppet show, think about it.”
“John Wilkes Boothe should have shot an actor. . .”
“Love-it, Lock-it, Leave-it, Next. . . .”
“Let the actors finish it”
“I don’t make mistakes, I have unintentional improvisations.”
“Hmmmm. What would a smart guy do.”
“Our techies practice safe sets and Techies do it on cue.”
“Work sucks. I’m going to the theatre.”
“Life’s a stage and were constantly changing the scenery.”
“Extras are props that eat. . .”
“Umm, ‘scuze me, your techies are showing. . .”
“If we could read minds, we wouldn’t need headsets.”
“Hey, I forgot my cue sheet, oh well, I’ll make it up. I wonder if they’ll notice?”
“All the girlies say He’s pretty white for a Fly Guy.”
“If I wanted to have people tell me what to do, I would have become an actor.”
“Techies are those people least appreciated, most abused, hardest working, in the entire history of the theater.”
TD is always right, if you think he is wrong, you must of misunderstood him.
“Gaffa tape is like the force – it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together!”
“F$$$ with me – and you’ll be dancing in the dark”
TV is furniture, Film is Art, Theatre is Life.
“Techies do it in the dark and don’t stop til the audience applauds”
“If all the world’s a stage then I want better lighting!”
“A stage manager is never late, nor are they early, they arrive exactly at the right time… Just like a wizard!” — said by the stage manager
And then of course there’s :
“Lord, grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those actors….
… I just had to kill cause they pissed me off.”
And thestage manager’s prayer :
“May those that love us, love us
And to those that don’t, may God turn their hearts
And if He can’t turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles.
So that we may know them by their limping.”
Stupid mistakes are made by others; we only make unavoidable errors.
I’m not tired, I’m just caffeine deprived.
“Sleep is for the weak”
“put that down, it’s worth more than you are!”
“Oh, so you want to die? Keep that up and it can be arranged.”
“Have you ever wondered what your insides look like, because I’d be perfectly willing to satisfy your curiosity!”
“We have a fullhouse tonight crew, never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups, so if you fu@k up, do it loud, do it proud, and make sure the actors see it, so that their laughter is commented on, rather than your mistake.”
“If all the world is a stage and we are merely players, doesn’t that make the technicians gods?”
“If I have done my job well, no one will know I’ve done it at all.”
We sold out tonight, so don’t screw it up. If you screw up remember that I know where you live!
“By the way, we don’t mess up. We just like improv sometimes.”
“I see the screw up fairy has come to visit us again”
“Your speaking privileges have been revoked”
“Your breathing privileges have been revoked.”
When in doubt, blame an actor.
If at first you don’t succeed, rigging is not for you.
No matter what…Stay Calm…as long as no one dies…there is no problem
I know my job looks like fun. I am working. Kindly do not f*ck with me.
(for electrical Fixes) “spit on it”
(for set fixes) “if they notices it the actor isnt doing his job”
(and of course) “i cant i have rehearsal”
(oh and for those stressful moments) “relax its not brain surgery”
“If the director doesn’t notice it, it doesn’t need to be fixed.”